Lite klassiska Rodney Dangerfield till pf!
I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!